The Pregnancy Test

NY Girlfriends- Series suspended for now

First Published 2005-10-01 in Trade Paperback

Publisher: Kensington Brava

If life is a series of tests, Mandy Keeling just hit the mother lode.

Ordinarily, I’m a fan of pink,lovely color, does smashing things for the complexion. But not when it’s the bright, glaring stripe staring back at me on the pregnancy test. Then, pink is the color of major oops, of morning sickness, of boyfriends who seemed decent but now are part of some Jerk Witness Protection Program.

Still, I’ve got a few things going for me,bitter humor, a divine right to eat till I’m the size of Marlon Brando, and good friends who’ve managed to get me a job interview with one Damien Sharpton: in need of a personal assistant, and some say, a good, swift kick in the arse. If you want to make a lasting impression, by all means, toss your cookies in your future boss’s wastebasket, which is located directly between his excruciatingly sexy legs.

Apparently, Mr. Gorgeous-But-Unbearably-Anti-Social must like personal assistants who violate their trashcans, because I got the job. And if I can avoid him via text messaging for the next nine months of free health insurance, everything will be just fine. Except that he’s just asked,no, insisted,that I go with him on a business trip to the Caribbean. Gulp. Ordinarily, this would be cause for celebration. Ordinarily, I’d shave my legs, pack my bikini, revel in day-glo drinks and my seething lust for Mr. Swarthy-And-Secretive. But there’s nothing ordinary about this situation!which means it could be absolutely extraordinary!

Mandy lay in a chaise lounge and flipped through the parenting magazine she had subscribed to eight weeks earlier when she had thought educating herself about pregnancy would actually alleviate stress.

The weightier, Everything Guide To Pregnancy, was collecting dust in her beach bag. She had brought it, knowing she had to read the thing sooner or later so she didn’t miss the early signs of labor, or make an ill-informed circumcision decision. But she had discovered something about herself- she was a wimp. She just wanted to sit back and enjoy anticipating her baby- not memorize terms like VBAC and effacement, or create her Delivery Advocacy Plan to take to the hospital like Jamie kept insisting she needed to do.

There was just too much information flooding her brain cells. But she had thought glancing through the magazine wouldn’t hurt, since it had cute pictures of chubby babies, and funny little essays on parenting.

Besides, she was bored.

Punta Cana was beautiful, a breezy eighty-five degrees and blue sunny skies, not a raindrop in sight. But Damien had been avoiding her, or at least it seemed that way to her. She hadn’t seen him since they’d arrived at the hotel forty-eight hours earlier. On her own, she had taken all her meals with total strangers, having been adopted by a nice British couple in their sixties who clearly felt sorry for her.

While they were a couple of dears, and she had gluttoned herself at the amazing buffets the hotel offered-not the least bit worried about unwashed fruit- it wasn’t the same as being on holiday with family or friends.

She wasn’t comfortable parasailing, speed boating, snorkeling, or scuba diving since she was pregnant. Though she had swum in the ocean a few times, played three games of water volleyball, and one round of shuffleboard. She’d entered an egg race on the beach with other hotel guests, and had petted a monkey, perched a parrot on her shoulder, and sat on a donkey.

All of which were delightful, but she was used to being surrounded by friends and co-workers. People to talk to. And as much as she’d tried, the parrot hadn’t said a peep. Mandy sipped her virgin daiquiri and wondered for the hundredth time why Damien had brought her on this trip. He didn’t need her here, clearly.

Which left her to read an article on the risks of pregnancy when using condoms.

Many pregnancies result from the condom breaking or a hole in the latex, but just as many pregnancies are the result of improper use.

How did one use a condom incorrectly? Stick it on their ear?

Many men try to put the condom on inside out, realize their mistake, and flip it over, thereby inserting the condom with seminal fluid already present directly in the vagina.

Oh, my God.

Ben had been notorious for doing that.

“Well, that explains a thing or two,” she said out loud, tempted to fax the article to Ben. At his office.

“Explains what?” Damien asked from right behind her shoulder.

Damn. Mandy jumped in the chair and slapped the magazine closed. Hell, there was a cue ball headed baby on the cover, grinning for all he was worth. She flipped it to the back cover, which was a teary eyed toddler gazing at the mess he’d made on the floor.

She shoved it in her bag. Which left her stomach completely exposed to his view.

Her bare, pregnant stomach, popping up above her bikini bottoms. She raised her knees to de-emphasize the bubble below her belly button.

“Nothing, just muttering to myself.” Mandy shielded her eyes from the sun and turned to look back at him. “So you decided to actually leave your room?”

Complex and mysterious woman that she was, she found herself equal parts thrilled and horrified to see him. Or maybe she was just idiotic.

Damien dropped into the chair next to her and kicked his sandals off in the sand. “I figured the guys back at work would give me a hard time if I came home as white as when I left.”

“That’s true.” Mandy tried to command herself not to look at his body, but it was hopeless. Already she was raking up and down him like a starving woman at a feast. Or like a horny pregnant woman having sexual dreams about her boss.

He was sickeningly flawless. Broad chest, a smattering of hair across his well defined pectorals, a ripped washboard stomach. When he sat back on the lounger, he brought his arms up to cup his head, and Mandy sighed.

Those were the kind of arms a woman just wanted to sink in to.

If she weren’t pregnant and hiding the fact from her boss.

“Make sure you put on your sunscreen. This sun is extremely powerful. I slathered it on, and I still got burned on my back and shoulders where I couldn’t reach.”

“Do you have your sunscreen?” Damien held out his hand. “I’ll get your back.”

Oh, he did not just say that. Mandy bit her lip. There was just no way she was letting him rub lotion all over her bare back. “Oh, well! I’m in the shade, so I think I’m fine, thanks.”

“We don’t want your British skin burning.” Damien leaned over and started rooting in her beach bag. “Is your sunscreen in here?”

How very like a successful businessman to just take over and stick his fingers where they didn’t belong. “No, really…” she trailed off when he pulled out her issue of Baby Talk.

“What’s this?” He glanced curiously at it.

She ripped it from his hands. “Oh, just something I picked up by accident.”

Because it was so easy to confuse a big bald baby face on the cover with the half naked women always on Cosmo.

But she couldn’t worry about how ridiculous her lie sounded when he was bound to encounter The Everything Guide To Pregnancy in another three seconds. Mandy reached out and snagged her beach bag from him.

“Let me get the sunscreen. You’ll never find it, I have tons of crap just rattling around in here.” Hand deep in the bag, Mandy felt her cheeks heat. Damien’s eyes were shielded behind dark sunglasses, but he looked perplexed. Suspicious.

Palm closing around it, she pulled the tube of sunscreen out and slapped it into his hand. With a brilliant smile, she tried to distract him. “So, have you been to the buffet for dinner yet? It’s absolutely divine.”

Damien frowned, and even with the sunglasses shielding his expression, she could tell his gaze had landed on her stomach. Was he putting two and two together- her belly, the magazine… Mandy’s heart started racing, her palms sweating, her cheeks burning from more than the Caribbean sun.

“I haven’t made it to the buffet, but I’m glad you’re enjoying it. Lots of desserts?” His words were polite, casual, as he tossed the sunscreen from hand to hand.

Mandy realized with dawning horror just what his words implied. Oh, that was just lovely. He thought she was fat! Two and two in his head hadn’t equaled pregnancy. He thought she’d been hitting the dessert table too hard. Allison was right- men didn’t notice anything.

Except hard nipples.

“Turn around,” he said, clearly no idea he had offended her.

Bloody idiot.

She gave him her back. “Yes, the desserts are marvelous. You’re going to have to roll me on to the plane.”

A breeze kicked her hair across her lip and she pried the strand off as she heard lotion squirt into Damien’s hand.

His chair squeaked as he scooted forward on it. “That’s good. You look better than when I first met you. I guess it was the flu, but you looked kind of thin. You seem healthier now.”

Fatter. That’s what he meant.

Mandy rolled her eyes behind her sunglasses. Then tensed when his hands landed on her shoulders, smooth and cool with lotion. Big hands, confident hands, that glided across her skin with strong strokes, his thumbs skimming along behind his fingers.

Damien had leaned over closer- she could hear his breathing, smell toothpaste and the coconut scent of the sunscreen. “And people think I’m tense. Relax, Mandy.”

He had no idea what he was asking of her. If she relaxed, really and truly relaxed, she’d sink in to his touch, sigh and moan and revel in the feeling of a man’s strong but gentle hands caressing her.

It was hell being stoic all the time and she wasn’t even doing a very good job at it. And Damien was so gorgeous and competent and broad-shouldered, with those delectable baby blues.

He skimmed her spine, sending a shiver rolling through her and setting her inner thighs burning with desire.

She groaned, a long, low sound of abandonment.